As a parent, I couldn’t settle for a predetermined storyline about what Lucas could or couldn’t achieve. I’ve since learned that one of the most powerful tools we have as parents is our own mindset. Research backs this up: parental mindset and expectations have a measurable effect on children’s intellectual and overall development. 

Studies show that when parents hold high expectations, children are generally more likely to reach those standards, whether in areas of learning, emotional growth, or personal independence. This is even more true when we’re willing to adapt and learn, approaching our children’s growth with curiosity and hope. 

For parents of children with Down syndrome, mindset plays a critical role in unlocking potential. We are not passive observers of our child’s journey; we are active participants who influence it deeply. So, what does it look like to adopt a growth-focused, strength-based mindset—and what steps can we take to shift our thinking when we feel limited or discouraged? 

Here are five actionable steps that can help you, as a parent, strengthen your mindset and positively impact your child’s intellectual development: 

1. Identify and Challenge Limiting Beliefs 

Many of us have absorbed society’s limitations about Down syndrome, sometimes without even realizing it. Take time to reflect on any beliefs you may be carrying that might be holding your child back. For example, ask yourself: “Do I believe my child is naturally limited in certain ways, or do I believe that with the right inputs, great change is possible?” We can start by acknowledging beliefs, then actively challenge them by seeking out success stories and evidence of what’s possible. 

2. Create a Routine of Daily Possibilities 

Shift your focus from deficits to strengths by actively identifying moments of progress, no matter how small. This could be as simple as a journal where you jot down progress each day…there is always progress. Focusing on what your child is able to do will create a desire in you to give more joyful information.  By understanding and celebrating your child’s unique interests and skills, you will naturally find ways to encourage their curiosity. Keeping our focus on strengthens and possibilities helps us see our children’s growth as a continual process rather than a fixed path. 

4. Get Inspired Learning about Neurodevelopment and Neuroplasticity

Learning about epigenetics, and neuroplasticity has been transformative for me and my understanding of what’s possible for Lucas. These concepts show us that our brains and bodies are constantly evolving based on the inputs they receive. I felt empowered when I realized I could create inputs – whether it was the neurodevelopmental  programming (physical or intellectual), targeted nutrition, root-cause approaches to Lucas’s health, or my loving expectations and belief in him. Knowledge empowers us to question, and it also broadens what we believe is possible. I feel strongly that knowledge should come from a myriad of sources both from within and outside the world of Down syndrome.

5. Resilience and Self-Compassion 

Shifting our mindset doesn’t happen overnight. There will be setbacks, hard days, and times when doubts creep back in. Remember that growth mindset applies to us as parents, too! Take time to practice self-compassion, acknowledge your own challenges, and give yourself grace to learn and grow at your own pace. Resilience is about showing up every day. In modeling this resilience, we show our children that progress isn’t always a straight line—but it is worth the journey. 

*A word about outcomes

We do not undertake any of this in search of an outcome. While we are clear that traditional thought and practitioners can not predict our children’s futures, it is important to remember – neither can we. The outcomes and the achievement actually do not matter at all. It is like holding any new born and dreaming of the things they will accomplish. I’ve done it twice before Lucas, and both sons created their own path forward. My job was to provide love, opportunity, safety, and in Lucas’s case – unique inputs – to allow them to simply become who they were meant to be.

After 17 years on this road I can tell you that outcomes are no longer even a consideration. Over the years, I have found thousands of answers, but still have thousands of questions. Lucas is becoming – and my life looks nothing like I thought it would. It is so much better…it’s extraordinary. My mindset is simply to remain wide open to possibilities.

Finally, changing our mindset isn’t a one-time shift; it’s a continual practice. Continually examining what we think and expect is beneficial not just to helping our children, but for our own health and wellbeing. 

A fixed mindset of things that may never be possible, accepting limitations, focusing on all that will be lost, allowing problems to be the basis of goals, and focusing on performance-based measures of success, lead us to a place of despair. We wonder how we can ever manage all the things and all the issues, and all the potential future problems. 

Changing our minds to see the strengths, unique abilities, daily progress, intense curiosity, and desire to learn, in our children is all we need to keep looking for ways to provide organizing, neurodevelopmental, and epigenetic inputs. That is true empowerment and the basis for redefining our realities. 

The simple reality is that in making this conscious mindset shift, we are affecting our own brain’s plasticity. We are creating neural wiring for a new way of thinking. I, for one, was completely unprepared for the overwhelming sense of possibility that flooded my brain and the desire it created to learn and grow.

The most significant act we can commit is to simply change our minds.