By Wes Oldroyd

November 30th 2004, Not Just Another Day
20 years later and I still remember the day Matt was brought into my life. It wasn’t the normal birth where you experience emotions of joy and gratefulness. When Matt was delivered, I was initially excited for the birth of my son, but excitement changed quickly as I noticed the reaction from Matt’s mom. I believe a mother intuition is more attuned than that of a father. I didn’t see anything abnormal, but from her expression I knew there was something wrong. Our day quickly spiraled downhill as the doctor indicated that he believed Matt was born with Down Syndrome. I was lost and when the nurse asked if we would like to keep Matt with us or place him in the nursery, we chose the nursery. I recall the birth of our daughter 2 years earlier where we were asked the same question, but we didn’t let her out of site for fear of her being exchanged for another baby. Just writing this now breaks my heart. It’s the unknown that forces us in a state of fear and confusion. When you start to research what you’re unclear about the fear goes away. We are fortunate today as we have great resources and easy access to any information.

Opening up to How Others React
I have experienced many times where someone will say or do something hurtful to Matt, but there are also many more times of kind and understanding people. For some reason the negative experiences seem to have the biggest impact and linger the longest. Whenever I experience negativity my first thought is to point out every deficiency of the unkind person, but the thought quickly goes away as I understand it is just as harmful. I realize this is where Matt is different. He doesn’t have the same thoughts or unkind actions as others. He is true and authentic. Everyday I strive to be just like him.

Discovering My Authenticity and the Person I Was Always Meant to Be
After noticing my hypersensitivities to unjust actions and comments directed toward Matt, I started doing research to find out why people act the way they do. During this venture I not only uncovered why people are the way they are, but more importantly I discovered so much more about myself. I understood the authenticity Matt held and I too wanted to be just like him. With Matt you get what you see. Nothing fake, hidden or exaggerated. He’s 100% real. My life has changed and I am proud of who I am today.
I no longer wonder why our kids are brought into this world. They are our Super Heros who give us our Super Powers for anyone willing to tap into it.
To this day, I struggle to accept that if there was a surgery to remove the extra chromosome would I want it? I know my answer, but I understand that it isn’t my decision.

Getting Connected
I thought my role was to provide and protect. When you approach life with this narrow vision you really don’t get to experience true connection. I organized all the family activities, sports and vacation trips which I thought was the key to a great father, but something was still missing. I didn’t know what was missing, but I knew something was. I came across the book “Redefining the Reality of Down Syndrome” by Geralyn Spiesz. After reading her book I wanted more. I later joined her Facebook page and DSAP group and read other books she recommended. I understood for the first time that the stories we were often told about our kids of being stubborn or it’s Black and White were all a lie.
With my new knowledge I started to pay attention to different behaviours. I discovered it was all about me whenever I was confronted with a behaviour. How was I feeling and why I didn’t like it. I now changed my focus to how Matt was feeling and what he was thinking. It opened a whole new connection for Matt and me.
I read information around our senses and how the signals are interpreted by the brain. I started doing exercises with Matt to trigger his connections. He gave me the impression that finally someone really gets him. Not only did we see the value of his new brain connections, but we also developed a new connection between the two of us.

A Word to New Dads
Be present and Be connected! I spent so much time planning and making sure everything turned out perfect that I missed the enjoyment of what we were doing. It’s not about how it shows to others, it’s what it means for you. Don’t worry about perfection. Enjoy the moments you have by being totally present and it will make for an enjoyable time for the entire family.

Final Words
If you hear the words “your child is diagnosed with down syndrome” don’t let fear take over. Your child’s birth is not something to be fearful about, it’s a gift. If you allow yourself to open up, connect and understand the person you were given it will change your life. You will become the dad that changes the definition of Dad!
Matt does not judge; He has no prejudices; He does not hate. He has true authentic love that is free for anyone willing to accept

Happy Father’s day to all the Dads!